Sunday, February 3, 2008
Blog 3 "Chapter 3: Huts on the Beach"
I was hunting and saw the pigs festoon tracks they felt like each time I stepped on a barb had hit my heart so it sank deep it felt like the blood from my heart trying to pump it out was leaking from the barb that had been pressed against my heart. When I finally thought I was close enough the pig ran away and yelled to its little children to run away, until when I got to the beach again I felt like an idiot for not bringing anything back to eat when they were expecting something to eat. When I got to the beach Ralph the new chief had asked me what had happened, I told him I was about to kill that pig. But when I got to the part were I was about to get him the look on his face was the last look I wanted to get from someone who didn’t appreciate what I had tried to kill. I furtively knew that I would one day become enemies with the so called chief that’s why I called my singing choir the hunters, they are fierce and anyway Simon had already told me about his secret on the other side of the beach. Ralph probably thought I was being flaunt when I told him about how I was going to kill the pig, but didn’t. I felt like I was being inscrutable and a little crazy for telling him the exact details about the pig. I was bewildered when I saw Simon was gone and I had just seen him help piggy with the huts, but then I remembered about the secret he had told me about. When Ralph asked about Simon I looked oppressive so he wouldn’t go anywhere, but he didn’t even look at me because he was so mad at me for not bringing back any food. When Ralph went out looking for Simon I was right behind him trying to stop him but then when we got to the beach, Ralph’s eyes glimmered with excitement. He saw that there was Simon and it looked like he was already finished doing his hut but not even the rest. I was happy for Simon but know they had found out our secret about me and Simon. When Ralph turned around he asked me if he knew anything about this I told him I didn’t although I had the guilty look on my face I was tendril with fear. I still stood there after he had turned around, he bought my guilty face but that didn’t mean he didn’t believe me in the inside maybe he would do something to get me back later I always thought there was something suspicious about Ralph. There was just something about piggy that made me tick, that maybe he would grow out of his self and one day strike back with Ralph, because in the inside I knew there was an evil me I just never knew I would reveal myself good enough for them to ever get me back.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Karen in this sentence I though you did a really good job of describing Ralph from Jack's point of view...
Ralph’s eyes glimmered with excitement. He saw that there was Simon and it looked like he was already finished doing his hut but not even the rest
I really enjoyed reading your blog.
You did a great job on your blog but I think you prahsed some things in a way that dosen't make sense. Such as this part "I was hunting and saw the pigs festoon tracks they felt like each time I stepped on a barb had hit my heart so it sank deep it felt like the blood from my heart trying to pump it out was leaking from the barb that had been pressed against my heart." This part of your blog is also a very long run on sentence. Overall though I really enjoyed reading your blog. It really helped me grasp your idea of Jack's point of view.
I think you used a lot of run on sentences in the beginning, so I couldn't really understand it.
I like how you talked about Jack's envy of Ralph being leader though. And I like how you gave a little bit of the future, about the story, in your story, like in this sentence : "I furtively knew that I would one day become enemies with the so called chief "
First off, great job in terms of effort. But unfortunately, there was a problem:
"I was hunting and saw the pigs festoon tracks they felt like each time I stepped on a barb had hit my heart so it sank deep it felt like the blood from my heart trying to pump it out was leaking from the barb that had been pressed against my heart.
Slow Down! I was picked up and thrown on a roller coaster at six flags (Which I hate). I think in order to make the story better, use commas!
Other than that, great job!
"When Ralph went out looking for Simon I was right behind him trying to stop him but then when we got to the beach, Ralph’s eyes glimmered with excitement."
I liked this sentence because it was really descriptive and I could imagine Ralph's face. This blog is really good except that I think you used some of the vocab words wrong like festoon and furtive.
Post a Comment